


Backstage

by TheIceQueen



Series: Fear and brotherhood [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anal, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brotherly Love, Crying, Doctors & Physicians, Emotional, Fainting, Fear, Flashbacks, Fluffy Ending, Guilt, Held Down, Hospitals, Knifeplay, Major Character Injury, Medical, Medical Examination, Needles, Non-Consensual, Pain, Panic Attacks, Psychological Trauma, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sobbing, loss of consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-08 21:00:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11089830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIceQueen/pseuds/TheIceQueen
Summary: Conor is playing a sold out arena in London. It's the last show of the tour and Jack, who has been traveling with them, is nowhere to be seen.Meanwhile Jack is having his own problems, getting back in time for the show.





	1. In a hurry

” Where’s Jack?”

” I don’t know Conor, but you have to get on stage now.”

It was the last concert of the tour and it was a full house in London. Conor had been crazy busy before the show, more than usual, everything had been going wrong and he had been short with his brother earlier. Jack knew it was just the stress, so he got himself out of the way, and went for a walk. 

“He said he would be back!”

Conor was getting annoyed and even borderline pissed off. 

“He’s probably in first row by now. Just get ready and I’ll find him, okay?” 

Conor could never get used to his manager talking to him like that. He was not a kid, but it made sense. Jack had always been there when he said he would. He nodded compliantly and turned towards the stage area, took a few deep breaths, remembered that the people out there was there to have a great time and there was no reason that he shouldn’t give them that.  
Conor went on stage, feeling the wave of a big crowd cheering rushing over him as he started the first song.

-

Jack was late. It had taken longer than expected at the store, but it was important that this was ready when Conor got back to his dressing room after the show. Conor had been touring his album all over Europe and the US, and Jack wanted to tell his big brother how proud he was. He was sure he’d found the perfect way to do that, without it being corny or to weird. Brothers don’t need to tell each other this stuff, they just now.  
He was sitting in the back of the cab with one hand on the bag and the other tapping the plastic under the window, only interrupted by frequently turning to allow him to look at his watch. He was so late. 

As they pulled up behind the arena, Jack had the money ready so he could get out quickly. He paid and went for the door, but it wasn’t opening. He frantically tried again. 

“Sorry, it’s a bit tricky” The big man in the driver seat said, as he got out of the cab. He went to the door and opened it from the outside.  
Jacks right foot stepped right out into a big puddle. “Sorry, let me help you.” The driver reached for the bag, but in Jacks hurry he drew it away and tried to jump the puddle so at least he would only be wet on one foot. The man, who was even lager up close, and Jack collided in the confusion and Jack fell face down in the dirty water. The driver grabbed Jack under his arms and with one motion he lifted Jack back up on his feet.  
Now he was wet, dirty, cold and still extremely late. He grabbed the bag, grateful that it was plastic, and went for the door to the backstage area. The driver got there first and held the door open. “Sorry, sorry, can I help you in any way.” Jack was looking though his jacket, which he had had in his hand when he got out of the cab and was now soaking wet. 

“I just need my key to my brothers dressing room. I know it’s in here.” 

He was shaking from the cold water and the stress of being late. He could hear the crowd cheering and the music starting. It wouldn’t be long before he could hear Conner singing.  
The driver took the jacket from Jack. “Lead the way, I’ll get the key.” Jack looked at him. He looked apologetic, standing there with both of his enormous hands around the little windbreaker that was dripping on the floor.  
Jack turned and ran down the corridor, he could hear the driver having trouble catching up. When he got to the door, he kicked off his shoes and picked them up, just as the now almost breathless guy, was unlocking the door. 

Jack just said thanks as he flew through the door, towards his bag and uncontrollably pulling clothes up to find something to put on.  
\- Click -  
Jack stiffened at the sound. He suddenly felt threatened. Did the door just lock behind him?  
He turned around slowly and stood face to face with the cab driver, who didn’t look sorry alt all, any more.


	2. No contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conor was pissed that Jack didn't show at the beginning at his concert, but the state he found his brother in after the show, erased all anger and left him feeling powerless and scared.
> 
> He couldn't even begin to think about how Jack must feel and he was in no state to explain it himself.

The crowd had been amazing. Conor always liked playing in London, but this had been insane. A show was normally around an hour and a half, but this time he had had so much fun on stage that it had lasted just over two hours.  
As he went off stage after the last encore, he was smiling from ear to ear, feeling energetic and not tired at all. Him and the band was greeted by the crew and he almost didn’t notice that Jack wasn’t there. Until he got eye contact with his manager across the room. He was not the guy to stand in the background at any celebrations, but this time he was standing in the doorway, just looking at them.  
Adam had been the tour-manager for the first time and him and Conor had been great together. Conor definitely wanted him to be managing all the bigger tours, from now on. He has had everything under control all the way, except Jack, but Conor wouldn’t expect that of anyone.

Conor drew himself away from the jumping and screaming mob of guys and went over to him.

“I don’t know where he is. He’s not answering his phone.” He had never seen this look on his manager, he almost looked apologetic.  
Conor was getting annoyed at Jack again. He said he would be at this show and now he’d went a-wall.

“I’ll try” he said tiredly. As he went through the doorway he placed a hand on the shoulder of the man who had been like a father for him on this tour. In that moment, they were both sure they felt the same thing. They were exhausted and didn’t want to deal with Jack right now. He didn’t get how much work and energy went into touring.

As Conor went down the corridor to get his phone from the dressing room, he picked the key from his pocket. He always insisted on having a room with a lock, when he performed. He wanted to have a place that was his and where he could get some peace and quiet. It made him feel at ease to know that his things were looked away while he was on stage. Himself and Jack was the only ones with a key.

As he approached the door, he noticed a do-not-disturb-sign on the handle. Did Jack get that at some hotel? What was he playing at, why wouldn’t he just lock the door?  
Conor realized that he must be in there and as he tried the handle he took a big breath, getting ready to smack down whatever stupid story Jack would throw at him.

The door wasn’t locked and Conor threw it open.  
Jack was lying in fetal-position, on a little two-persons couch.

“Are you seriously sleeping?!” Conor looked at the floor covered in Jacks clothes.

“What the hell have you been up too?”

Conor turned around and looked a Jack. “Answer me!”  
He stopped and looked at his brother for a moment. This wasn’t right.

Jacks eyes were open, but he wasn’t looking at anything. He was just lying there, on his left side, facing the room. No expression or movement. Was he breathing? Conor looked at his stomach, holding his own breath as he was concentrating. Movement.

Conor allowed himself to breathe again, rushing to his brother’s side. He sat down on his knees in front of Jacks face and placed a hand on his shoulder. Jacks whole body tensed and pulled into the couch away from the hand. Startled by the reaction, Conor drew his hand back.  
He tried to get eye contact with his brother, but there was no connection. Jacks face was the only thing that hadn’t moved. Jacks body slowly settled back into numbness and went back to being relaxed and not moving.

“Jack, look at me.” No reaction.

Conor had no idea what was going on. He placed his right hand on the couch close to Jacks hands, careful not to touch him. He took a closer look at his younger brother and noticed his clothes was filthy all over and wet in most places.

“What happened to you?” Conor was now talking soft and slowly, he didn’t expect an answer. The question was just as much directed at himself. He needed to figure this out and get help somehow.  
He sat up a bit, trying to focus on the room around them. Where did he put his phone? As he looked around his eyes landed on Jacks clothing once again. He noticed it being torn, or maybe even cut. He could see the side of his brother’s upper thigh. There was a lot of cuts, his pants were almost not on him. How could he not have seen that when first coming in to the room?  
Conor felt all the air knocked out of him. He just saw. There was blood. Not a lot, but enough to make him realize that this was not an accident. Someone had ripped his brother’s shirt and cut his pants and in the process cut his legs too.

The sound of a knock on the door, shook Conor out of his state of disbelieve and early onset panic. He shook his head and got back in the mindset of doing something to help Jack.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me.” It’ was Adam. “Did you get a hold of Jack?”

Conor looked at Jack. He really wanted to hold him, just by his hand, but he knew it wouldn’t be possible right now.

“Conor… Are you okay in there?”

Conor was tearing up. It was difficult getting the words out. “No. Please help us.”

Adam opened the door quickly and stood a second taking in the sight. “I’s he okay?” He could see that he wasn’t, but the 40-year-old, could think of nothing else to say.

Conor took a deep breath, manning himself up. “No. Can you get Annie in here?”

Annie was Dr. Annabelle Jackson and she had been on tour with them. Mostly for Conor's ankle, which he twisted two days before leaving home, but she had also been helping him, when his voice set out in the middle of the tour. She had become important to all of them when stress set in, not to mention that she and Jack had spent a lot of time together, since they were the only two with next to nothing to do when everyone else was busy with the shows.

“And don’t let anyone else know” Conor yelled after Adam as he turned and ran towards the stage area.


	3. Are you with us?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote 1:  
> Something must have happened to make his mind protect him from reality. That he was responding to touch could actually be a good thing. He was probably hyper-vigilant to his surroundings, so he would hear them talking to him. He was just not able to answer, yet.
> 
> Quote 2:  
> Jack couldn’t control his breathing, the pain from the back, stomach and head was pounding through his body.

It seemed like an eternity, sitting and waiting in that room. Conor hadn’t moved at all, he was still sitting on his knees facing his little brother. He got a bit closer to his face and whispered.

“It’s going to be okay. You are going to be okay.”

He didn’t know why he was whispering, but it seemed appropriate since Adam had left the door half open.

“We’ll fix this. You hear me?”

Jack wasn’t moving. The only signs Conor had of life, was the shallow and slow breathing and the occasionally blink, which was so slow that Conor was worried his brother was passing out every time.

He heard footsteps quickly getting closer on the hallway and Annie appeared in the door. She closed it behind her and looked at Jack and then Conor.

“Do you know anything about what have happened?”

“No.” Conor swallowed a sob, but his eyes were watering.

Annie sat down next to him placing a hand on Conor's back. “Jack, are you with us?”

“He’s not reacting to anything…” Conor said while wiping a tear from his cheek with his right hand, leaving the left still on the couch next to Jack. “Well… we can’t touch him. He doesn’t like that.”

Annie looked thoroughly at the state of Jack. Noticing his breathing, his non-reactive face and quite a few cuts on his upper legs. He could be in the middle of an acute stress reaction, which would explain why he wasn't responding. Something must have happened to make his mind protect him from reality. That he was responding to touch could actually be a good thing. He was probably hyper-vigilant to his surroundings, so he would hear them talking to him. He was just not able to answer, yet.

“Keep talking to him. Telling him we are here and he’s safe now.” She looked at Conor with an authority he had only seen when she told him he had to spend a tour-break in his room with his foot up, or she’d tell Adam to cancel the next show. This time however, compassion was written all over her face too.

“Jack…” she turned to a shell of the young, energetic lad she had gotten to know over the last few months. “…I need to take a look at you. You’ll feel me removing your t-shirt. I’ll be careful, I promise.”

Jack's left hand moved under Conor's and grabbed tight. Conor gasped and moved his other hand gently into Jacks hair, but that was all. Apart from his hand now clenching on to Conor's, Jack was the same as before.

Annie and Conor looked at each other in silence, she nodded slightly and Conor turned to Jack, telling him exactly what he had been told while stroking his head slowly.

Annie lifted up Jacks shirt, slowly, just to reveal to her what she thought she had seen through the torn fabric. He was covered in bruises. It didn’t look like internal bleeding, but she couldn’t know for sure outside a hospital.

Jacks breathing got faster and even more shallow. Conor noticed too and looked startled at his little brother as his eyes rolled back and closed.

 

_Jack flew across the room with the first blow. He hit his head against the wall, but the pain across his ribs was his major concern. As he tried to get up, still confused about what was happening, he was hit in the ribs with a knee._

_“What… “_

_He couldn’t get enough air. “Why...” Still trying to get up._

_“Stay down!” The third punch, hit him in the lower back and he collapsed to the floor._

_He gave himself a moment to breath, fight back the tears. Crying made breathing harder. “What are you doing?” Jack was so confused._

_“Stop talking and stop fighting and I won’t have to hit you again.” Confusion was now replaced with fear. What would the giant, standing over him, do? No one would hear him scream during the concert, no one would be back here. Jack was not even sure he was capable of screaming._

_Jack tried to sit up, looking the guy in the eyes. “Leave me al…” the young Brit took another blow straight to the stomach, he rolled up into a ball coughing and gasping for air. The burning sensation in his gut was spreading to his entire body. He was grabbed by the hair and lifted up, so he was almost sitting, the pain and the lack of air, was blurring his sight. He felt nauseous and disorientated. Trying to get the room to stop spinning he closed his eyes._

_“Look at me!” Jack felt the breath of the cabdriver on his face and his head hurting from still being held up by the hair. He slowly opened his eyes and looked straight into a pair of fuming mad eyes._

_“Now, what did I tell you about talking?!” Jack couldn’t control his breathing, the pain from the back, stomach and head was pounding through his body. Then his whole body got numb and couldn’t move, and the room went black._

 

“Jack!” Conor was sobbing by now. “Jack! Can you hear me?!”

Jacks breathing got a bit easier. He stopped gasping. Conor held his breath looking at his trembling baby brother. He looked so fragile crumbled all up in that little couch. The older brother hid his face in his elbow, still holding on to the hand and although he had stopped stroking his brother’s head, his other hand was still buried deep in Jacks hair.

Jack took a deep, almost healthy, breath and as he released the air he opened his eyes. Annie put a hand on Conor's shoulder and he sat up looking scared at her. She smiled and looked at Jack. Conor followed her lead and saw his brother looking up at him.

“Hey, you.” Conor said, while quickly wiping away the tears from his face. “Are, you with us?”

Jack looked at Conor, then at Annie and last at Adam who had come in after Annie with all her medical stuff, from the bus. Now he was sitting with his back against the door, still holding on tight to one of Annie’s bags.

Jack was noticeably confused, but then it looked like reality sat in. His stopped moving and became numb again. Even the hand, which had been clutching so hard around Conor's hand that both their fingers were white, went loose.

“Jack?” Conor grabbed tightly on his hand, and used the other hand to grab, the now unresponsive guy by the chin and turning his head towards his own. “Are you with us?” Jack looked into Conor's eyes and nodded while keeping eye-contact with his older brother.


	4. What the hell happened?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack has another flashback.  
> They are all trying to help Jack, while at the same time, trying to figure out what happened during the concert.  
> Conor has a hard time dealing with it all.

”Keep talking to him.” Annie got up from the floor and went over to Adam, who was still sitting by the door. Just trying to keep out of the way and still be there if they needed him.

“What do you need me to do?” He said before Annie had even opened her mouth. “She took her bag from his hand as he stood up. “Can you figure out which of the entrances are clear of people and call an ambulance to that one?” Adam nodded and opened the door.

“Is he going to be okay?” Adam looked at the two brothers. One on the couch and the other so close to him he couldn’t see either of their faces.

“There’s still a lot we don’t know, but I think so.” Annie know it wasn’t the answer Adam was hoping to get, but in her many years as a doctor she had learned never to lie. It doesn’t help anyone, really. “But he needs a hospital right now. You should probably wait for the ambulance and lead them the right way in. It’ll be quicker.” Adam nodded and ran down the corridor.

Jack was resting with his eyes closed, but he’d react with small head movements every time Conor would speak to him. That’s why Conor knew, Jack must have heard all of what had been said in the room. Jack was never fond of hospitals or anything that comes along with it, but he didn’t react. Maybe he couldn’t or maybe he was in so much pain that he wanted to go there. Both options scared Conor to his core and he felt a little sick.

“How are you holding up here?” Annie had noticed Conor’s complexion turning a greyish white.

She sat down with the boys again, laying an arm around Conor’s waist and placing her bag on the floor, on the other side of her. She squeezed tight around the exhausted body before she let go and opened her bag. “Jack?” She tried.

Jack opened his eyes and looked at Conor. “Are you in pain?” Conor asked. Jack looked terrified by the question, but didn’t move a muscle. The truth is, he was in pain. His head, his right arm, his ribs, stomach and back. Even his legs were hurting but the worst pain was none of those and he tried very hard not to think about it. He didn’t remember why, but the pain he was in right now, laying so still, testified to a set of events he didn’t want to remember. He would not be able to go through that.

“Jack?” Annie tried again. The blonde looked at her. “We are taking you to the Hospital, but we need to do a few things before we can move you. Do you understand?” She talked slowly and soft, but there was no doubt that there was no way around this. Jack nodded.

“I’ll talk you through everything, just hang in there.” Jack closed his eyes and squeezed the hand laying in his just to make sure that Conor would still be there when he chose to see again.

“I’m here bro, don’t you worry. You’ll feel better soon.”

Annie took a pair of scissors from the bag. Jacks pants was not only dirty and wet but also extremely tight and restricting. Whilst cutting the skinny-jeans they must have been twisted and turned and thereby gotten even more tight. Now small slivers of fabric were burring themselves in the white flesh, making bruises and some were in the cuts Jack has received in the process. It would be more painful to move the boy, with the pants on than to remove them now.

“Jack. I’m going to remove your pants. They are hurting you, right?”

Jack nodded, defeated, still with is eyes closed. Annie started cutting, carefully removing the fabric around his right ankle, moving slowly but surely up his leg. He wasn’t hurt badly on his lover legs and Annie wasn’t hurting him, but he felt every touch. She warned him before every touch, talking calmly and guiding him through it. He was concentrating hard on her voice and where she was but he couldn’t help his body tensing up more and more for every touch.

The real problem was the sound. He recalled the sound. Fabric being cut. Every time the scissor closed he could hear nothing else.

“Hey, man. Stay awake, it’s almost over.” Conor could see his brother drifting. He looked at the pants and Annie working. She was only by the knee on the first leg. Conor had no idea how she would get to the other leg, which was half buried in the couch-cushion and half covered by the right leg. She was nowhere near done.

 

_He came to, by the sense of air against his back. It was hard to breath, lying face down on the floor, but the instant terror unset by the sound of fabric ripping, was worse. The guy moved to his feet and started pulling agitatedly in his pants by his ankle. His foot was flopping around as a result and in his half daze he couldn’t do much to move._

_The voice woke him up completely. “The knife it is then. Those wet tight pants aren’t coming of so easily.”_

_Jack froze. Not moving anything but his eyes, but all he could see was carpet and part of the wall he had hit his head on earlier._

_A piercing hot pain sailed across the back of his thigh. He cried out as a reflex._

_“So, you ARE awake. I wasn’t sure if you would be around for this at all.” He put the blade under Jack’s pants, resting the cold metal on the inside of his lover leg. Then he pulled and cut a big tear in the pants. Jack gasped as the tip of the knife grazed his skin and drew a few more drops of blood._

_“You know, I like this type of pants. They stay on for so long and if you cut them right, you don’t have to take them off at all.”_

_He felt reduced to a toy for the big man. He was so tiny lying there under him. He could do nothing but bury his head in his elbow and try and mask the cries of pain, when the giant cut him. His other arm wrapped around his head, his hand clutching his own hair. Just to have something to hold on to when the pain got too much._

_“Almost done.” The man said. Like he was finishing a piece of art. “Just one more cut and we can get this show on the road.”_

_Jack held his breath. His eyes sprung open, filled with fear and shock. What show? No, that could not be it. This wasn’t happening! Tears were soaking the carpet under his head as the guy grabbed his backside pocket. He heard the familiar sound of a knife cutting fabric and instantly felt the tight jeans loosening around his rear._

_The boy, lying helpless on the carpet, now spotted with his own blood, was stiff with fear and holding his breath. Then everything went dark again._

 

Conor was losing it. “Stop, Annie! He can’t handle it, look at him!” Conor looked down at his brother. Jack’s face was wet from crying, his body was tense and shaking violently. He was now using both hands to hold Conors, in spite the fact that the right arm was not working right and didn’t hold as much strength as the left.

“I need to do this, Conor.” Annie didn’t stop her work. “I’m sorry but he will be hurt even more if we try to move him with his pants on. Just three more cuts and then we’re done.”

It seemed like those three cuts took hours, even though Annie had sped up her work after Jack didn’t respond to her voice anymore. All four of the brother’s hands were now entangled in one big crushing knot of white and read fingers. Conor’s forehead resting on top, like he was praying.

“What the hell happened to you, little brother?”

Thank God, that’s over. Annie thought to herself as she pealed of the last piece of fabric from the now exposed legs. They looked horrible. Cuts and blood all over, mostly on the back of his thighs, some of which would need stitches, but not right now. She was pleased that Conor couldn’t see the extent of them from where he was sitting, but the bruises from the pants and some Annie was sure, came from beating, was everywhere and looked even more painful that the cuts.

Annie sat closer to Conor and put her arm around his upper back and shoulders. She could feel the trembling boy’s uneven breathing. He was crying and didn’t move at her touch. She laid her head gently against the broken older brother and moved her other hand up to Jack’s face. Slowly stroking his cheek and forehead with only the tip of her thumb.

“It’s over. Come back to us.” Talking equally to both brothers.

After a few seconds Jack opened his eyes and looked around. He settled his eyesight on his brother head, still rested on their hands.

“Conor?” Jack’s voice cracked into a sob.

Conor lifted his head and met his brother’s eyes. “I’m here. I’ll always be right here.”

Jack looked down at himself. His ribs, his legs.

Annie found one of Conor’s windbreakers and covered him up a bit. Jack hissed at the touch, but were grateful for the cover. The boxer-briefs he now was left with did not offer much discretion.

“Jack, look at me.” Hearing Jack speak had renewed Conor’s energy. He wiped the tears of his brother’s face and watched him settle down a bit. Enough so he’d stopped shaking. “Do you know where you are?”

Jack nodded, but Conor didn’t look satisfied with that response. “In your dressing-room.” Jack said giving Conor what he wanted. They both relaxed their hands a bit and allowed both brother’s fingers to fill with blood.

“Don’t you ever stop talking to me again.” Conor even surprised himself with the demanding tone he was using. He took a breath and settled down a bit. “What happened to you?” He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the answer but he needed something to make sense of it all.

Jack shook his head slowly. “I don’t know. I don’t remember.” He sent a pleading look to Annie.

“Please don’t make me remember.”


	5. Puzzle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The paramedics arrive as Jack struggle with the truth.

The muffled sound of fast footsteps and voices came closer the door and stopped right outside. Adam popped his head inside. “The paramedic’s is here.”

Annie nodded at him and two men came in. They looked young. The one who came in last couldn’t be older than 25, but in their dark green uniforms, they seemed professional. Even to Jack who didn’t want to involve more people to this than necessary.

Adam stayed in the hallway, he was talking to someone. Conor realized that the police must have shown up after the 999-call too. He looked at Jack, but his brother didn’t seem to have noticed, he was more that occupied with all the things happening in the room.

“Are you the doctor?” the older, not by much, paramedic asked Annie. “Dr. Annabelle Jackson.” She introduced herself. “We need to get an IV, with saline, started and a morphine-drip.” She was talking fast but clearly. The brothers had never heard her like that before, and looked in awe when the two uniformed men unwrapped the bags to fulfill her order.

She turned to the boy on the couch and slowed herself down a bit. “The morphine will help with the pain. It will make you relaxed and drowsy too. You might even get to take a little nap.” Her expression looked soft. Finally, she was able to help the boy a little. Do something to ease his pain. Conor looked thankful too, but none of them had predicted the reaction from Jack.

“I don’t want it.”

The determination in Jacks voice had shocked them both just as much as the message. “…but Jack”

“No!” Jack cut of Conor before he could continue. “I don’t want to sleep.”

Annie realized that arguing would be pointless and would possible make Jack’s condition worse. They still had to watch his breathing closely, because of the damage to his ribs.

“Okay… okay, Jack it’s your choice.” She placed her hand on top of his. “But you need the IV for the saline. It’ll help you feel better.” She was still worried that he would go back into shock and the boy clearly needed fluid. Jack nodded and one of the paramedics came over to his side and slowly took his hand from Annie’s.

“Not that one.” Conor protested. “His right arm is hurt. Can’t you use the left?” Annie looked surprised, she hadn’t noticed anything with his arm, but truth be told, that area had been Conor’s domain for most of the night.

“Sure. Good catch, that will be better.” The paramedic smiled and took Jack’s left hand from Conors, after he’d arranged the other hand gently on the couch. Jack looked gratefully at Conor, he hadn’t thought to ask, but was pleased that no one was touching his right arm anymore. He was now fully aware of how Conor had looked out for him and that he could depend on him through this. Conor was able to talk when Jack couldn’t and it made the younger brother feel safe.

He almost didn’t feel the pinch of the needle. Maybe because Annie had chosen the same moment to replace the way-to-small-for-the-job-windbreaker with a bright red and oh, so warm blanket. It made it a bit easier for him to handle all the people around him.

Annie helped the other guy get the stretcher into the room. She looked at the boy still in fetal position on the couch. “Are you able to turn a bit and lay on your back?”

They could move him like this but the more in charge Jack felt about himself and his body would help him stay alert and communicative. Jack started turning, grimacing as he felt the ache in every muscle from lying still so long. Conor began to stand to help his brother, but Jack just shook his head and placed his hand, now decorated with a white bandage and the IV line coming out from underneath, on his shoulder. Conor settled down and looked at his brother moving slowly and unsuccessfully trying to mask the pain. Jack moved his legs, then his hips, then his shoulders. One step at the time he turned and at last he turned his head to look at the ceiling. Doing so he revealed a new bruise to the room. A collection of dark read and almost purple nuances was covering his left jawline, but the thing that unsettled Conor and Annie wasn’t a bruise. They were both staring at Jack’s neck, it was written over both their faces that a horrific reality had been exposed to them.

“What?” Jack asked and moved his hand towards his collarbone. Annie stepped in, grabbing his hand. “Nothing to worry about. It’s just a small cut.” She was reassuring both brothers and herself, but she was right. The cut was not long or deep, wouldn’t even need stitched, just a band aid, really. It was the placement that had scared them initially. The bastard had at one point held a knife against Jack’s neck, right on the jugular. This could have ended very differently if there had been one wrong move from either of them.

Jack didn’t seem satisfied with the explanation. “… and you’ve got quite the bruise there.” Conor deflected, looking at his chin. Jack moved his jaw a bit exploring the sensation of his skin and felt it tighten when he moved.

“Okay, Jack. Let’s get out of here. What do you say?” Annie stood up and moved the stretcher over to the boys, making Conor move to stand at the end of the couch. Jack took a deep breath, feeling the pain in his ribs, but he needed the air to get through this. “Okay” he said while still holding in as much air as possible.

“Watch his arm.” She looked at the paramedic closest to his right arm, as she took hold of his lower legs and the paramedics positioned their hands under his upper and lower back. Conor held his brothers head and Annie send him an approving look. “On three.” There was that authority in her voice again. “One, two...”

 

_Jack’s back was slammed at the floor and his head went in hard right after._

_“DON’T MOVE!” The guy was sitting over this thighs. The pain from the cuts were getting worse with the added pressure._

_“Let’s try this again.” He placed his hands on Jacks shoulders and the boy reacted by throwing a tantrum like a preschooler held down by an older boy. He screamed, twisted his body and pounded his hands against the forearms of the bully._

_The punch on the chin ended all the movement instantly and sent a shockwave through his cranium. Still blind from the hit, Jack was turned violently on his stomach, on impact with the floor his right arm bent under him. He tried to move it out from under his body, but a heavy hand on his spine was pinning him down on it. A cry passed his lips as he relaxed his body in hopes of reducing some of the pain._

_“You’ going to play along now?” Jack didn’t move._

_“Keep still.” The man slowly lifted his hand from the now relaxed back, still not allowing much movement, as he was sitting on the back of Jacks knees._

_Nothing happened. It seemed like minutes went by, with the only feeling being the pressure on his knees and the sense of being watched way to thoroughly. The pain in his arm was building and he had to move to get it out from under his body. Carefully and slowly not to hurt himself further, but mostly to prevent provoking another attack._

_A hand grabbed his hair on the back of his head and lifted him several inches from the carpet, bending his back and neck backwards as much as humanly possible. Jack’s arm was free, but he held his breath as he felt the cold metal, he had come to know so well, against his throat._

_“Sorry.” Jack heard himself whisper. Paralyzed with fear he felt the sharp blade cut into his skin._

_“Good. You should be.” The pressure on Jack’s body shifted upwards and he felt warm breaths against his ear. “Now, are you done moving, or should I just make sure you never move again?”_

_“No. I’m Sorry.” A tear ran down his face as he held his breath making sure not to move a muscle._

_“That’s the spirit.” The knife disappeared and Jacks head plummeted to the floor, sending a new wave of pain through his skull._

_Jack didn’t dare to move. Even when he remembered what had set of the last fight which resulted in him being turned on his back. He felt hands on his lover back, finding their way through the big hole in his jeans and carefully, almost affectionately pulling down his underpants. It took all the mental strength Jack had to not move, but he didn’t. Even when a finger caressed his lover back and made its way softly along the crack, all the way to the back of his upper thighs. His legs were pinned close together under the man and didn’t allow for any further exploration of his private area, but Jack knew that it could very well be temporary. Still he didn’t move._

 

“Good to have you back?” Annie looked down at a confused face looking back at her through tears still running from the eyes. “You went away again. Not as long as the other times, though.” She seemed not to be as worried as before. However, Conor's face was folded in a shape of worry, despair and helplessness.

“I’m okay.” Jack said as Conor wiped the tears from his brother’s face. He didn’t know if Conor believed him, but he wasn’t able to convince himself.


	6. Who knows?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack and Annie have a talk in the ambulance, while Conor sits in the front. 
> 
> The fear of what is going to happen is almost as paralyzing to Jack as the fear of remembering what had happened earlier. 
> 
> Suddenly the police shows up, but Adam have to deal with that.

They all moved in sync down the corridor, passing Adam and two police-officers as they left the room. The cold night air was good for all of them. They all breathed a bit easier as they went through the outer door. Conor was surprised it was still dark outside. He looked at his phone. Only one hour had gone by since he went looking for Jack. It had felt like they’d spent all night and a few hours on top, in that small room.

“You can sit in up front.” Annie looked at Conor. “I need someone to help me back here and there is only room for two.” Conor looked confused. Didn’t she know that he was not physically able to let go of his brother? Jack was still crying. He was defeated and broken and now scared. Both brothers tightened their grip on each other’s hands. “I know.” Annie said, full of compassion. “You will be fine and Conor will be right there when we open the door again.” She took Jack’s hand from Conor and held it in both of hers, as the younger paramedic placed an arm across Conor’s shoulders and slowly pulled him towards the passenger side and away from Jack. The brothers kept eye contact until the stretcher was inside and the door was closed.

-

“Breathe, Jack.” Annie was stroking his left shoulder and upper arm, as the man next to him put the right arm down. The pressure from the splint on his arm was actually not that bad. He was relieved that he didn’t had to think about not accidently moving it anymore.

The paramedic turned on the radio and handed the microphone to Annie. She started an even flow of words. “Bringing in a 23-year-old male assault victim. Accompanied by Dr. Jackson who needs to be listed as a worker to the hospital. Worked there three years ago so should be quick.” Jack realized she wouldn’t just leave him at the mercy of strangers at the Hospital. He still hadn’t forgiven her for taking Conor from him, but at least she would be there. He already felt lonely enough with Conor not being there, by his side, even though he knew he was in the ambulance.

“…ultrasound, x-ray and we need a SAEs standing by.” Annie gave the microphone back and picked up a bandage from the pile the paramedic had gotten ready while she was talking. She placed the small white sticker on Jack’s neck, while making sure he was aware of what she was doing.

The man moved the blanket so one of his legs, but nothing more, was showing. He lifted it a bit and Annie wrapped his thigh tightly. Jack moaned sounds of discomfort but let them work on his other leg too. After they were done Annie settled down next to Jack.

“Can you remember what happened to you?” He looked at her, then away and shook his head.

“I need to tell you this before we get to the hospital.” She paused and made sure Jack was listening. “When I cut of your jeans, I noticed your boxers were pulled down and…” she breathed “you were bleeding from your rectum.” Jack didn’t move. “Do you understand?” He still didn’t look at her but nodded slightly as tears were wetting the white sheath on the stretcher. She hated this. She really heated that she had to tell him this, but she knew he would have felt the pain and as a result, suspected this himself already.

“Don’t tell Conor.” Jack was sobbing and his voice cracked while trying to talk.

“He doesn’t know… and I won’t tell him. You decide who knows.”

Too many people knew already. Annie wasn’t just a doctor, she had become a good friend of his on this tour and he didn’t want her to know. He didn’t even want to know himself. He still didn’t. Not really. The pain in and around his backside and what Annie had said was evidence enough, but he didn’t remember that part and he prayed he never would.

The rest of the ride was spent in silence apart from the small communications between the doctor and the paramedic. Just making sure Jack was still stable.

-

The ambulance door opened and Jack was wheeled out and into the emergency room, but not before Conor had grabbed his hand once again. “I’m here baby-brother.” Something in Jack didn’t want his brother there right now, but he needed him, there was no way denying that.

They moved into a room, two people in uniforms followed and in a swift motion the four strangers lifted Jack in the sheath onto another and slightly bigger bed. This time Jack stayed awake through it. One of the new people disappeared through the door as quick as it was done and after a few short sentences the paramedics left with the empty stretcher.

Annie and the guy left with them, started working, leaving the boys to observe. It seemed like Annie was in charge, she must have gotten the approval to work there again. She put on gloves as the guy pulled a machine of some sort up to the side of Jack who was both confused, afraid and shocked by the sudden change of pace, from the ambulance to the hospital.

“Annie sat down on a small chair with wheels, and pulled closer to Jack, not touching him with her cloves. “Jack..” she started. “I didn’t stop to think that you might would want another doctor. Do you want me to fine someone else?”

“No.” Jack shook his head in confusion. He didn’t want more strangers. He didn’t want more people.

“You’ sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Okay. I’m going to examine your stomach. We need to be sure there's no internal bleeding.” She moved the reed blanket down and exposing his variegated skin. “Tell me if it gets too painful, we can still get you something for the pain.” Jack didn’t answer, but he got the message.

Annie’s hands pressed lightly on his left side and the boy arched his head back into the mattress and clenching his jaw. The hands moved away immediately.

“Jack?”

“I’m here.” He knew what Conor was asking about. “I’m still here.” Jack’s breath was ragged and quick.

Annie had gone to the side of the room and now she returned. “You need something for the pain.”

While she attached the plunger, containing a clear liquid, to the base of the IV, she looked at Jack. He looked betrayed and she knew he still didn’t want this, but he didn’t object.

“Let me help you. Let do this, okay?”

“Okay.” And she pressed the drug into his system.

-

Jack was awake, but definitely calmed down by the morphine. He moved in discomfort as the ultrasound moved across his abdomen, but he let Annie do her job as he squeezed Conor's hand.

Conor kept talking to his younger brother, mostly asking if he was okay and Jack had reassured him multiple times that he was. The pain wasn’t that bad and he actually regretted not getting the drug earlier.

After the ultrasound, which had reassured them that there was no internal bleeding, they went for an x-ray. Jacks right forearm was broken in two places, but didn’t need surgery, one of his ribs was broken and a few others bruised. When they got back to the room, Annie and Conor helped Jack into a hospital garment and replaced the red blanket with a white and light blue cover. As there now wasn’t an immediate risk to his health they took their time getting him settled a bit before Annie casted his arm and had to address the cuts on his legs… and the other thing. She still hadn’t figured out how to get Conor out of the room for that part, let alone how to tell Jack that she couldn’t do the exam. She wasn’t certified for that. Not that she thought it would be a good idea even if she could do it.

Apart from the occasional hiss slipping Jack’s lips when hands, disinfectant or needle touched a more tender area, the room was calm as the doctor sutured up the biggest cuts on his back thighs. This would leave some scars, but the sharp knife used had made clean, smooth openings in the flesh, which was easy to close with small evenly placed sewing.

“All done.” Annie said after placing the last piece of bandage and supported Jack in the rolling movement from lying on his side to now resting quietly on his back. He was still feeling the effect of the morphine. He had been given a second dose for this, but it was subsiding and he was a bit clearer in thought now and more aware of the surroundings. Conor still hadn’t left his side and Jack was content with the arrangement of only the three of them in the room. He was beginning to notice people talking outside the room, though and through the blinds he could sense that there was at least three of them. Annie squeezed his right shoulder above the cast now decorating his arm adding to the looks of a body badly injured, then she left the brothers alone, but not before turning the blinds a bit so they could see her strategically placing herself on the other side.

They could see her talking to Adam and the police-officers from outside the dressing room. She seemed comforted by the conversation but still in charge of the situation. She shook hands with the officers and hugged Adam in what seemed like forever. If the boys had seen this a week earlier they would never had let it go by, without some teasing about workplace romances, but it didn’t seem out of place in this moment. The men left and Jack let out a relieved sigh when only Annie came back in.

“They are trying to find the person who did this to you and has a lead of a cab that was parked outside for a long time.” The cab-ride seemed like weeks ago to Jack. The gift for Conor sprung to mind. He hadn’t thought of that since the dressing room door locked behind him.

“I was in a cab.” Jack looked surprised that he hadn’t remembered before.

“Okay. You can tell the police that later.” Annie took notice of a nurse on the other side of the blinds.

“Conor. You can go and talk to them about the getting your things from your room.”

“Later.” Conor was short with Annie, he didn’t want to leave his brother again.

“Jack needs to talk to that lady out there and we can’t be in here for that. I’ll let you know as soon as you can come in again.” Conor didn’t move. He didn’t even look at her. Just holding Jack’s hand in his and looking more and more angry.

“It’s okay, bro. I’ll be fine.” Jack calmly spoke to his brother, trying hard to disguise the nervousness in his voice.

“But...” Jack sent his brother a look, revealing that this was his decision.

“You’ sure?”

Jack nodded determined, but with his teeth jammed together not to reveal that he couldn’t hide his anxiousness in his voice if he spoke.

“Okay. I’ll be back quick and waiting right outside the door.” He made sure that Jack understood every word before walking defeatedly out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled a bit with age, but settled on a year (and a half maybe) in the future. It's the end of Conor's first Europe/US-tour and they are all shocked by how fast things have been moving.


	7. The missing pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last pieces are falling in place for both brothers. Conor is dealing with being physically and psychologically exhausted and Jack has another flashback.  
> A long one with a lot of details.

“You’ll stay, right?” Jack looked over at Annie sitting next to him. She placed a hand on his chest, as if she was trying to calm down his heartbeat.

“Listen.” Annie started and took a deep breath as Jack’s eyes were tearing up. It would be to no use if she started crying too. She found her most caring and calm voice. Speaking slowly and making sure Jack understood every word, she continued.

“Listen to me. We need to make sure you are okay down there.” She looked at his private area, covered by the boxer-briefs and the light blue sheath. “The police are investigating this as a violent assault, nothing more. But if you decide to report everything later it would be good with some evidence.” Facts were never fun to talk about and she waited till she was sure Jack had understood.

“Why can’t you do it?” The boy on the bed was trembling under her hand, a single tear running towards his ear. Jack never knew it was possible to cry this much in such short amount of time. He looked desperate.

“I know it’s not fair and you don’t want to, but it might be good talking to someone else and only a certified professional, a SAEs, can do the exam if it have to be used as evidence.”

“I don’t want evidence.” Jack was clinging to the last straw of hope. He could not bear the thought being left alone with a stranger.

“Let me tell you your options first. Then you can make whatever decision you want. You decide.” Jack was listening closely to get every word.

“No matter what, you need someone to take a look at your rectum, you were bleeding. It can be me or any doctor you want, but if you want to press charges some way down the line, it has to be her.” Annie looked at the shape of a woman outside the room. “If you allow her to examine you, she will talk to you first and then take some pictures.” Jack looked terrified by the mental image of him without clothes and a woman taking pictures.

“Jack. Are you listening?” He was. “I can be there for all of it, and Conor too, if you want, but I think it would be better if you talked to her alone. You can tell her to fetch any of us at any time.”

Jack breathed a bit easier as the last message sunk in. He needed to be in some control of the situation, but he still wasn’t sure that he could do this. Annie stopped her stream of words and left the room in silence, until Jack put his hand on hers still resting on his chest.

“Are you going to be outside the whole time?” He sounded like a small kid, not the 23-year-old man he was.

“Yes. Just one word and I’ll come in.”

Jack nodded in agreement and Annie stood up and opened the door. “We need to go to another room.” She unlocked the wheels on the bed and moved it towards the opening. Still in the room, they were met by a short middle-aged woman. She had on a uniform and a kind reassuring smile.

“I’m Susanne. I’m a nurse here at the hospital.” Jack didn’t say anything and the nurse didn’t look like she expected an answer. It looked like Annie knew her and she seemed comfortable around her. Jack accepted the possibility that Annie had chosen this nurse. They maneuvered the bed in to a small room with an exam table. It looked intimidating, like everything else, but not as Jack had expected. It was two padded pieces on top of a box, and it was too short...

“Do you think you are able to sit?” Jack really wanted to, just to do something himself and not be this helpless bag of bones, but he knew it would take too much effort and he was scared of the possible pain from his behind.

“I think he is better of lying down, at least for now.” Annie had noticed the defeat in Jacks eyes. The small nurse went over to the table and pulled out another padded plate from the one end, making the table long enough that he could lay on it. She lifted the head end, not by much, and placed a pillow on it. “Let’s get you on here.”

After Jack got settled with the help of the two ladies, Annie left with the bed, and the message that she was going to find Conor to let him know where they were. Before she closed the door behind her, she heard Susanne say; “We are just going to talk first. I promised Dr. Jackson that we won’t do anything else before your friends are outside.”

-

When Annie returned with Conor they looked through the blinds, she had made sure were open, for now. Jack was lying restful on the table with the cover over him and Annie drew a relieved breath to see that he was talking to the nurse. Conor didn’t react like that. He stood stiff at the sight of his brother crying and not being able to go to him.

Susanne and Jack saw them in the window and as they continued talking Jack nodded in agreement. The nurse stood up and shut the blinds. I wasn’t long before Conor and Annie could sense camera-flashes on the other side.

Conor, still facing the window, was working overtime. What was going on in there? What had happened last night? Why wasn’t he allowed in there and why wasn’t Annie? His sight blurring at the edges and his knees going week. Unconsciously he turned and pressed his back against the wall. Nausea set in and he went almost blind. He collapsed. Annie only just reached him in time to save his head from a nasty impact with a table. Conor tensed his body getting up on his knees and hands.

“Conor.” Annie didn’t know if he could hear her. “Stay down, relax.” She placed her hands on his hips and guided his rear to the floor. Then she changed position and pushed his shoulders against the wall. They sat there for a second. Annie holding Conor in place and Conor trying to control his breathing. The room was still spinning when a man helped Annie get Conor into a wheelchair.

Conor came to a bit and the first thing he did after regaining his sight was to make sure they still were outside Jacks room. Annie offered him a cup with a straw. The 25-year-old hadn’t been eating or drinking since the concert. Even when Jack had sipped down some juice or eaten a bit, Conor had been too concerned to do so. The reality set in again and shock was painted across his face.

“What happened to Jack?” He was shaking but made sure that Annie knew, he required a truthful answer.

Annie squatted down in front of the chair and looked Conor in the eyes. “I can’t tell you everything, you know that. Jack has to decide what he tells you.”

Annie disappeared for his eyes and he was breathing heavily and way to fast. Why, hadn’t he gone to look for his brother? He knew it wasn’t right when he didn’t show up for the concert. All of this could have been prevented if he had sent Adam to his dressing room.

“Conor, breathe!” He heard a distant voice, it sounded familiar, but he couldn’t place it.

“You are having a panic-attack. Put your head between your knees.” He felt a hand on the back of his head, guiding it forward. He fought it, sure he would fall over at any movement.

“It’s okay, sweetie. I got you.” Annie was on her knees and pulled the panicking boys head down to meet her shoulder. Conor sensed being fixed in a secure position and rested his forehead on her collarbone.

As his breathing slowly returned to somewhat normal he felt sick to his stomach. He knew what had happened even though Annie couldn’t tell him. He sat up abruptly and looked around, before he locked in his target at the other side of the hall. He stood up and Annie supported him noticing the direction of the trashcan.

When he was done emptying his insides, he was resting both forearms and his head on the trashcan. Annie made sure he wouldn’t fall before she pushed the chair over and helping him down. He was sobbing and his hands were shaking as he accepted the paper towel and another sip of water.

“I should have found him, sooner.” Conor looked at the floor, speaking to himself, but Annie heard him.

“Listen to me.” Conor didn’t react, he just continued to voice in a self-blaming tone, this time no one but him was able to hear what he said.

She grabbed his face with both hands, making him look at her. “Listen.” She held the boy in place and talked just as firmly. “You are NOT to blame for this. Jack is lucky to have you. You have done EVERYTHING right. You hear me?” The face in her hands nodded and breathed a bit slower. Conor was bigger than her, but right now he was reduced to his breathing and the eye-contact he had with the woman in front of him.

She continued with a slightly softer tone. “The only reason Jack is not locked away in his mind is because you were there.”

Conor reclaimed the movement of his spine and held his head by himself. Annie pulled the chair up against the wall across from the window with the blinds still closed. She got them both a juice and sat on the floor next to Conor.

“Jack is in good hands.” Conor didn’t answer but he trusted her and he sat back preparing himself for being there for his brother. Whatever he needed.

-

The door opened and the two zombie-like-creatures stood up and came back to life. Still holding the door open, Susanne said; “He would like you to come in now… both of you.”

Nothing more was said before Conor went through the opening and straight to his brother’s side. Only when settled he noticed that Jack wasn’t crying anymore and it made the feeling of sick decrease a bit.

“He doesn’t remember all of it.” Susanne said to Annie, still in the doorway. “He wanted me to do the rectal exam, but he wasn’t able to move, so he decided that he needed you in here for that part.”

“Everything else went fine?” Annie looked at the open rape-kit placed carefully on a small metal table noticing the brown paper bag closed up with tape. The last piece of clothing, Jack’s boxers, must be in there.

“He’s a strong one. It went fine.”

She went over to Jack and sat down at his right side. The left occupied by the older brother holding him by the good hand.

“Okay, Jack.” Susanne sat down by Jacks feet. “It will be over soon.”

She moved one of the feet onto a stirrup that Conor first noticed this moment. It must have been attached to the table while they had been outside.

Jack’s right arm moved and he turned his head towards Annie. She grabbed the four fingers sticking out at the end of the cast, he held on to her as tight as he was able to. The nurse moved Jack’s other foot, while making sure the cover stayed over his knees to cover him from all angles but hers.

Jack turned his head and looked at his brother. Sizing him up. It was weird having his brother in the room while being this exposed, but he wasn’t met with embarrassment or awkwardness, only comfort. “You’ll be fine. Just wait and see little brother. You are strong and you can make it through anything.”

The woman behind the sheath covering Jack’s lover body, packed away the extra part of the exam-table and moved a little closer. Jack recoiled at the sound of her putting cloves on.

“I’m going to touch you and put some slight pressure on you, remember we talked about this?” She looked over the sheath to see Jack nodding. He gasped at the first touch to his upper, inner thigh. “Tell me if it hurts?” It didn’t hurt when she moved her hand towards his groin, continuing the small pressures up beside the root of the penis, ending on the pubic bone.

“You need to breathe.” Conor was keeping a close eye on his brother. He had turned his head as far into the pillow as possible, while lying on his back, and his eyes and jaw was squeezed closed, using every muscle of the face.

“Does it hurt?” He was concerned that this may be too much to handle for Jack.

“No, I’m okay.” Jack said while realizing that he had been holding his breath, for quite a while.

Susanne’s face appeared over his knees. “I need you to come down a bit closer. Can you do that.”

Jack’s ribs ached when he lifted his lover body and moved it a couple of inches down, before placing his buttocks on the edge of the table. “That’s it. Now lay down and remember to breathe.”

Jack nodded in silence, laid his head back on the pillow and looked at the sealing before he closed his eyes and held tight with both hands. The nurse placed three fingers flat on his skin between the anus and testicles, slowly adding pressure on the pelvic floor.

Jack shot upwards on the table, letting out a distressed cry, letting everyone in the room know that he was hurting. Annie and Conor stood up too hold him down, otherwise he might had fallen from the table. His feet were still in the stirrups but his knees were shut together and he was almost on his side. Tears were jumping from his eyes as he pleaded; “No, I can’t do it. I won’t.”

Conor was holding Jack by the shoulders while he looked at his younger brother twisting and squirming underneath him. Annie, still holding the incapacitated arm, grabbed his other hand and held it to his chest. “Calm down. Breathe. Take a few minutes.”

“No. No more.” Jack was scared out if his mind.

Susanne discarded the gloves and, came around to the head-end of the table and addressed the boy looking up at her. Betrayed. “I’m sorry, Jack. I will be extremely careful and I won’t have to touch you there again.”

“No touching. No exam. No nothing!” Jack was angry but mostly shocked by the instant jolt of pain surrounding his lover body, shooting out his legs and up his spine. “I’m done!”

Annie tried to talk, but Susanne cut her off; “This is the part of the exam you have to do, remember? It’s important to make sure you’re not injured.”

Jack looked at her, still breathing furiously fast. She just waited, for him to calm down. It took some time before his body started to relax and when it did, he looked exhausted. The first thing passing his lips was more a shallow breath than a whisper:

“I’m scared.”

If it hadn’t been for the blasting silence in the room, they wouldn’t have heard him. Conor looked beaten by the words.

Susanne moved closer. “I know. It’s okay to be scared. I promise I won’t touch you there again.” She placed a hand on his shoulder. “Let me do this and then you can rest.”

Jack looked round the room. Annie and Conor still holding him, just in case he should freak out again. Their faces were colorless and empty. Annie looked like she hadn’t slept for week and Conor even worse. He could see he had been crying.

“Okay.”

Annie and Conor helped Jack reposition in on the table, while still not grasping the fact that Jack had agreed to this.

“Only the last part of the exam left, Jack. I’ll go slow and you tell me if anything feels wrong.” Jack nodded and watched the short women put on gloves and picked up a metallic, tubular instrument with a handle. Everything felt wrong.

“Take a deep breath and don’t hold back letting the air out.” Jack turned his head to the side, closed his eyes and did as told. His body relaxing a bit as a result. Annie and Conor was now seated again, she was still holding both his hands and Conor was holding his shoulder. Ready to act if needed, but trying not to crowd the body between them with hands.

“Once more.” Susanne demanded, and Jack took in air and as he let go, the lubed proctoscope was pushed slowly inside.

 

_The pain was more than Jack had ever imagined possible. The weight on top of him, the pressure inside. The cab-driver was now almost covering Jack. He hadn’t given any warning, didn’t even spread the blood-covered legs under him before, aggressively pushing his dick inside the young ass._

_Jack screamed out in terror, disbelieve and sheer agony, as the guy pressed up in him again. It was a struggle to breath under the intense pressure. He coughed violently and as a result threw up a bit in his mouth. Of utter fear of what the consequence of being sick would be, he swallowed it._

_His ass was burning, stretching around he dry penis rubbing reckless on his insides. The muscles in his entire body was tensing to the point of where cramps set in. His right leg, was twitching and bending involuntarily as Jack’s mind didn’t knew how to process the pain. The burning was spreading up in his stomach and over his lover back, soon he was hurting all over, or that’s what he thought._

_A specifically hard trust against his rear opened him a bit wider and allowed the penis to slam into his prostate. Jack went blind and his whole body was spasming. The guy easily lifted Jack at the hips and watch the boy twitching in free air in front of him. He hurt all over, even his penis was hurting from the spasms. Jack was beginning to think that he might die from suffocation, as he still wasn’t able to get in much air. He sensed the room moving around them and still with the man inside him he was placed face down on the couch, knees on the floor. This gave the assailant more room to move, both inside and out of Jack, he thrusted faster and repeatedly hit the prostate._

_Jack bit down into the softness of the couch, wishing for this to stop, wishing for this to never have happened. Everything went black and Jack, for the first time, welcomed the loss of consciousness._

_“Get some rest. I’ll make sure no one comes in here.” The guy lifted Jacks legs unto the couch, placing him on his side. Jack opened his eyes, but didn’t look at anything._

_“See you.” The cab-driver smiled at Jack and sipped up his pants. Then left the room, closing the door behind him._

“Have he lost consciousness like this before?”

“Not this long.” Annie looked at her watch. 12 minutes was too long, but Jack seemed to be only sleeping. Having a really bad nightmare, but still only sleeping.

“Please do something!” Conor looked at the two women discussing his brother’s absence. “He’s in pain, can’t you see that?”

Annie went over to Conor. “I know it looks like that, but he’s dreaming.” She looked at the boy sweating and turning in the bed, they had put him in, and really hoped he wasn’t remembering. “We have given him all the anesthetics we can. Just talk to him, that’s all we can do right now.”

“Will you stay with them?” Annie didn’t want to leave but she might not be able to stand in a moment if she didn’t.

“Of course.” Susanne placed a hand on the doctors back as she went by and out the door. She pulled up a chair next to Conor. Quietly checking Jack’s pulse. “He’s calming down a bit. Try talking to him.”

Conor moved his hand through Jack’s blonde hair. “Hey, baby-bro. I’m here with you. Calm down, nothing can hurt you anymore.” He looked through the window and was reassured that Annie wasn’t far gone. She was talking to Adam, but they were both paying close attention to what happened in the room.

Jack stopped moving. At first Conor was horrified at the sight of his brother lying pale, sweaty and limp on the bed, still not reacting to the hand brushing through his hair, but then his breathing got easier too and Conor realized that this had to be a good thing.

Susanne called in Annie and Adam, they kept their distance though. If he should wake up, four people starring down at him, might be a bit much.

Five more minutes went by and Conor started getting anxious again, even though Susanne kept checking Jack’s breathing and heartbeat and telling him that his brother was getting better by the minute.

Then he opened his eyes.

Conor hugged his brother, almost making him pass out again. “Bro. Ease up, I can’t breathe.”

“You were gone for quite some time there.” Susanne looked down at Jack. 

"Am I okay?" He almost didn't dare to ask. 

"You'll be fine. Nothing to worry about." She assured the younger brother, then looking down at Conor. He was resting his head in his arms, holding Jacks hand underneath. She placed a hand on the older brother’s upper back before she left the room.

Jack was still a bit out of it. Looking around. Conor had sat up, but hadn’t tried to hide the tears on his face, this time. Annie was leaning against Adam resting her head on his shoulder. She was crying too. Adam just looked relieved and tired. They all did.

“Do you need anything.” Conor finally found some words.

“Can we go home?”

Annie cut in; “It’s late. Sleep here tonight so we can make sure you are okay, then you can go home tomorrow.”

The brothers were tired and didn’t offer up any argument.

“How about Adam and I go and find a bed for Conor so he can sleep in here and something to eat, maybe?”

Certainly, no discussion there either.

Adam put his hand on Annie’s back and they left the room.

“You know?” Jack said. “I think you need to talk with your employees about relationships at work.” He smiled and Conor laughed, mostly surprised by the mood his brother was in.

“Yeah, but let’s wait a bit. They have had a rough day.”

 

“Conor?” Jack looked serious and his eyes were filling with tears.

“Can I stay at your place for a while?


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack has had a tough time dealing, now he is finally able to get some closure and start letting Conor help with the healing process. 
> 
> A small bow on a long horrific story.

Jack had been living with Conor for a few months, when the police came to the door. It was Conor who let them in. Jack didn’t like answering the door when he didn’t know who it was.

One of the officers from that night had been assigned Jack's case, when he decided to report the rape to him at a later time. He and a detective was sitting in Conor’s couch when Jack came into the room. He sat down in the big armchair and Conor pulled up a dining-room-chair to sit next to him.

“We’ve found the cab-driver.” The detective started.

Jack knew this was a possibility, but the sudden anticipation of a real trial scared the color out of his face. The officer noticed and hastily continued; “He has confessed. Pleaded guilty… and with the DNA evidence and the witnesses placing his car on the grounds, there is not going to be a trial."

Jack came back to life and even more so when the two men placed a box on the coffee-table. “This is all the stuff from the dressing-room. We don’t need it anymore. It’s over.”

Conor thanked the two and showed them out. When he got back in the living room, Jack had pulled a blue plastic bag up from the box.

“What is it?” Conor wondered why he hadn’t seen that on the tour.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” He suddenly added. Remembering how tough it had been the last months. Jack didn’t want to talk to anyone at first, not even Susanne from the hospital. Annie had been visiting every other day, to talk to him. Not being let in the guest room the first week. However, it seemed like they had made some progress lately. Jack had been showing glimpses of his past self and he had joined Conor for dinner all week.

“It’s for you.” Jack said and puled the gift from the bag and reached it to Conor.

Conor looked surprised as he took the square and flat package from his brother and sat down in the couch. He didn’t open it at first, just sitting there looking at Jack for some kind of clue to what was going on.

“It’s why I was late for the concert. I went and picked that op for you.” Jack paused, looked at his brother to see if that explanation was enough. Not really. Well, they weren’t big on gifts outside of birthdays and Christmas, so he tried again;

“It’s something to remember your first big tour by.” Jack sighed and Conor could swear he saw him smiling. “Are you going to make me say it?” Conor’s clueless expression made Jack chuckle.

“I’m proud of you, man. Now open the damn gift!”

Conor started fiddling with the paper but when Jack sat next to him in the couch, he got a grip and pealed the paper away and revealed a mosaic of pictures from his tour. Concert photos, behind the scene stuff and some private pictures from the exploring the crew and brothers had done along the way. All of which surrounded the cover of his latest album.

Conor took it all in. The pictures were only about an inch wide, so he had to look closely. Jack interrupted and pointed to a funny one he had taking of Conor sleeping on the table in the bus. They laughed for a while as more great memories got revealed.

“Thanks, Jack. This is great.” He stopped himself noticing a small crack in the lover right corner of the glass frame. He covered it up with a corner of the wrapping paper still lying underneath the frame, making a mental note to have the glass changed before Jack noticed.

“It’s broken?” Jack moved Conor’s hand. He had obviously seen the movement and noticed the change in Conor’s presence.

“Not much, you can’t hardly see it. I’ll just change the glass.” Conor tried desperately to make everything go back to what it had been two minutes ago.

“No need. I’ll do it tomorrow.” Conor looked at his little brother, wearing pajamas-pants and an oversized t-shirt at three in the afternoon. He hadn’t left the apartment since he came home from the hospital. Annie even had to bring her medical stuff here to take the stitches out and she was planning on removing the cast on his arm here too. Now he wanted to go out.

“How about we do it together?” Jack agreed and they went back to looking at the pictures. Conor put an arm around his little brother;

“I’m proud of you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fiction (written down). I have a lot of this stuff in my head, and I had fun writing it, hope you liked it.  
> It got a lot longer and more detailed than expected.


End file.
